Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
