Banned from zoo.
Again?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
