She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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