I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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