If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
