My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
