You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
