Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we're making bets on your personal life
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She even gives head with a lisp.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
