It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
