So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
