he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
