the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
