I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
