I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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