went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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