i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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