is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ladies don't puke and tell
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
