Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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