My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
operation harelip BJ is a go
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
