peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and she was petting her beer can
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
