Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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