I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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