I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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