is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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