I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
