i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
