Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
