I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
