there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
