Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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