He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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