may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
