well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
