I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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