there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
