Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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