he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
