I molested 6 butterflies tonight
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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