Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
