Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize