end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
