Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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