chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
