Joe is yelling at the trees again.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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