then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Your cock deserves a montage
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
