I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
