"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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