Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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