She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
