I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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