My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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