My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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