so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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