I need help removing her.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
