May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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