I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
