You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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