i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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