she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
