You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
