We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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