it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
