So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also, beer. Big fan.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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