i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
