I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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