You smell like stripper and shame
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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