that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The beer is more important than you right now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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