if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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