I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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