He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
