Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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