Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
