Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
