I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
