my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
