its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
