you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need moral support for this bender
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
